Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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