Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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