Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I will die if light touches me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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