C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
