Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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