Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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