My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
