she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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