Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
