You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
