I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
