If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
smell my finger.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
