i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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