he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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