so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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