and she was petting her beer can
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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