Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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