go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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