i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just had sex on a roof
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
