it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
