please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Congratulations! We have a period
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
