Plan B is the new Plan A
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
