Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
