dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
