Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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