so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
