Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
