You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
