i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
