I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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