you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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