3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
