Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
