don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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