so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
