Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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