Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
