Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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