mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
