If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
