My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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