yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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