Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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