I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
