Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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