He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
