"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
