I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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