i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
