I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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